Holiday gatherings are great fun. However, if the conversation gets too personal, it can be an uncomfortable time, especially for those in the midst of a career transition. The best examples are unsolicited advice from relatives who may think questions about your job search are harmless conversation starters. But for the job seeker, the holidays can be a time of dread.
The challenge with questions about your job search especially ones that are direct, such as “Have you found a job yet?” These kinds of questions tend to put people on the defensive because there is no easy answer to the question when you are still searching. Naïve as they may seem, job searching questions can get right to the heart of the matter and create very awkward situations.
Family gatherings naturally lead to conversations around current updates and a job search can be fuel for questions.
While family members have good intentions about your well-being, the timing and types of questions asked either lead to encouragement or discouragement. When everyone is in a festive mood talking about the seriousness of a search, implications of unemployment can definitely dampen the spirit.
Part of handling awkward conversations is how you respond to questions asked. Don Gabor, author of “How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends,” offers a good acronym when encountering an uncomfortable conversation. Gabor recommends stopping just a few seconds before you react to a question and consider how to respond with T-A-C-T:
T -Think before your speak
Thinking before speaking helps you apply your emotional brakes and using silence buys you time to decide on the best answer to use.
A – Actively Listen
When you listen to what people are saying it helps you put things in perspective. A good listening test is to ask for clarification. It sends a message that you are listening and helps you respond effectively. In addition, you could be creating awareness for them in helping them phrase their questions differently.
C – Consider the outcome
Before you respond, consider the outcome in what you want to have happen. For example, how do you want the other person to help you? If you want them to stop talking about the subject what would be the future consequences of your relationship if you responded in a negative way? Always think through what you want the outcome to be and take ownership for your words and actions.
T – Tread lightly
When an emotional reaction takes place it influences the conversation, while you might feel like setting them straight about your situation, take their intentions into consideration instead. A soft word turns away wrath and minimizes the discomfort that comes from uncomfortable situations.
It does take focus and patience when in a gathering with people who will often bring up sensitive issues such as a job search. This holiday season, use T-A-C-T to create a more positive conversation. It’s up to you to be the role model in how you want people to perceive you – you set the tone by how you react.
How do you handle awkward conversations during the holidays?
