To those who are shy, building rapport can seem overwhelming once you finish talking with the people you know. Some of the concerns shy networkers have is what to say and how to continue a conversation without appearing nervous. Their desire is to come across in a natural way without stumbling over words, turning red and coming across as insincere.
Meeting people during the holidays can seem like fun but when you have trouble carry on conversations to begin with, parties can be dreadful. The truth is not everyone is born with the gift of gab, but the more you practice at carrying on conversations the more confident you will feel. Even if you start out talking with just a few people your skills will become stronger over time.
Overthinking the event
One of the challenges that shy networkers often share is “overthinking the event”. Perhaps putting too much emphasis on saying the right things or avoiding mistakes can lead to more stress.
Don Gabor, author of “How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends”, shares some good ways to help you break the ice in meeting people and acknowledges what most people fear – rejection.
Rejection tends to create a lot of barriers with shy networkers throughout their entire job search and yet learning how to handle rejection is part of career development. All great leaders have learned to view rejection not as a setback but to strengthen their skills and grow. Learn to take the sting out of rejection by getting out there and meeting people.
Keep these tips in mind with Holiday gatherings and you’ll find your conversations more enjoyable and less frightful.
Be aware of your body language, it speaks much louder than words so don’t forget to smile and show interest by good eye contact. Good eye contact is not a staring contest as one manager told me rather a way to acknowledge that you are listening.
Take an active role in being the first to say “hello” and start a conversation instead of waiting for others to come to you. Scanned the room for a friendly face and introduce yourself. Gabor states that, “being first to say hello gives you the opportunity to guide the conversation”. Taking the initiative to introduce yourself shows confidence and your desire to connect with others.
Prepare by asking two kinds of questions; closed and open ended. Closed ended questions are those that can be answered by a yes or no and will often produce short answers. Don’t depend on close-ended questions to build rapport or you could be interviewing the person. Open-ended questions will give you more information and usually start with; how, what, where, why and will lead to a conversation.
Be open and polite. One of the ways to show friendliness is to offer a sincere compliment. First notice something about the person and pay them a compliment, most people will respond in a positive way. Never underestimate the power of kindness, it does wonders for engaging in a conversation.
Start a conversation around a common interest. Both of you are attending the holiday gathering, so find out what brings both of you there. It could be a mutual friend, or job related event. Use commonality to leverage a conversation, you might be pleasantly surprised in discovering joint interests.
Prepare for Conversations Ahead of Time
If Holiday gatherings tend to cause you stress, consider preparing ahead of time with some standby questions for conversation starters. Knowing what to say helps relieve pressure rather than trying to be spontaneous when your conversation skills are a little rusty. Patience, practice and a positive attitude are all you need to have a meaningful conversation that could lead to a good friendship.
Take a risk and be the first to say hello, you have little to lose and much to gain.
If you are a shy networker, how do you start conversations? What did you do to help overcome the stress of holiday parties?
